Yep, I’m the lead acoustician. Yep, it takes a degree in acoustic engineering to make sh*t like Campetition sound right on all screens. Yep, I’m fed up if referred to as the sounds & tunes lady. Might chew on your balls for dinner, to teach you manners.

Course not, none of the above, no need to go all pale, just kidding. You need one big fat sense of humour not to get mad on this set.

My degree might have helped me land this job, theoretically. It does feature in my CV, somewhere near the bottom of the credentials pile. But I’d rather guess no one cared, or even noticed. Most of what I learned at poly to manufacture manually is performed by tools and libraries. My role is to keep on top of those tools, not as easy as it sounds with a rhythm of two releases per year, at minimum. And to refrain them from going for perfect and make the experience sound fake.

Stuff like Campetition flies by authenticity. An also-ran needs to sound like a loser, his steps, his voice, his breathing. And a champ needs to sound it, confident, authoritative. And just a tad self-deprecating. Otherwise they’d all hate the bragging nuisance, right?

Campetition sounds & tunes would be a no-brainer if management got itself kissed by wisdom. As in finally accepting that professionals like me need to know in advance who is destined for glory and who isn’t, to deliver top notch product.

But no, never no wisdom at management level. They insist on pretending that Campetition is like traditional sports, as opposed to show biz. So I have to guess, and take precautions for the unexpected.

Like that bloody teenager, from Syria I think she was. Must have done some ballet, or kung fu, or whatever. Tiny, tiny, and not particularly clever looking, textbook Campetition loser. Only hedged a bit on that one, and had to adjust on the double when the bloody nuisance swept through the first round. Quite a mess. Especially as lights & looks had guessed my way, too. Music had to carry a lot on this one. Not my proudest moment.

Anyway, was nice talking to you, but need to run now. Intro needs an update of the booms, to make any watching NATO veterans feel at home. You wouldn’t believe how fast some of those guys reach for the keyboard if you don’t adjust war sounds to current state-of-the-art ammunition.