Tag: Luck

  • Graduation

    What will they come up with this time?

    Five years ago, it was ‘wheat to bread’. Lucky bloody peasants and bakers! A full ninety percent of the participants who scored high enough to graduate were either agricultural or food processing professionals. They won five year of leisure and luxury by doing well what they do for a living. What’s not to envy?

    Ten years ago, it was ‘build, build, build – tent, town, tunnel’. With ‘tent’ the only practical exam, many more contestants did well than in most years. Normally, if you cram hard enough, you earn a fare chance to do well at the theory, only to fail, mostly abysmally, at unfamiliar pratical tasks. Ten years ago, it was the opposite. The 3D design software provided to demonstrate skills at building a town and a tunnel was impossibly hard to use, unless you happened to be addicted to a particular type of old fashioned computer game. Most contestants are too busy cramming, they don’t have time to waste on gaming. And it showed.

    What will they come up with this time?

    Five more days. It’s all over the media now.

    The numbers always leak, in the last week before the announcement. Someone has to compile them, right? Theoretically, the pot that determines how many contestants can graduate this year is filled by the safety valve transaction tax collected over the last five years. But in practice, the administration prefers to fill the pot in one go, right ahead of the contest. Has something to do with accounting and interest rates. 85.000 graduations is the word of the day. More than five years ago, but barely. Sounds like a lot, but compared to a population of 4 billion potential contestants…

    Tomorrow this time, we’ll know. Incredible, how much suspense and announcement that takes at most a minute can generate. Even for me, a non-cramming chancer who will have a go, if the topic sounds good. There is a fee, to cover the expenses of the exercise, but if the theme sounds in the least feasible, I’m having a go.

    Living around the corner from the local venue helps. Some people spend fortunes on travel and accommodation. I can walk over, in a minutes, at most. If I decide to have a go. Still a big if at this stage. There’s the fee. And I don’t like ridicule. ‘Wheat to bread’, certainly not. Finding the right shelf is all I know about bread, preferably sliced. 

    In my neighborhood, many guys and most ladies between twenty and sixty don’t hesitate to participate every five years. I know, see them walk over and enter the building. They don’t care, about losing the fee and making fools of themselves. I do. I’m only having a go if the topic sounds good.

    I’m not fixated on a particular topic. Paul, for example, my colleague, he’s a drone freak. Has got a whole collection, from small parcel delivery drones to hunter ware and people carriers he’s not even officially licensed to fly. He hoards them, puts them apart and back together, flies them, repairs them after crashes. As far as I can think back Paul has been dreaming of a drone topic. He’d be graduating, easily.

    Susan from downstairs, she totally into psychedelics, natural and synthetic, theory and practice. Give her the right dopey topic, and she’ll manage to explain which stuff does what, even while so heavily under the influence that she should be far gone. She sometimes is, pretty far gone, but only on weekends, and only an ambulance once.

    Me, I’m more a generalist. Do know my way around many topics, more or less superficially. Theory should work, if probably not splendidly, compared to specialists. I know enough about enough not to make a fool of myself. My show stopper, that’s the practice. I’m not having a go at something I’ve never done before, like baking bread or putting up a tent. I won’t end up in the ‘Best of this year’s idiots’ clip. Losing the fee I could bear, such humiliation not.

    Three more minutes to go. It’s quickly getting quiet outside, like when we have tsunamis, between the rush-rush just after the alert and before the wave comes thundering in. I certainly won’t miss the tsunamis, if a good topic comes up and I graduate. Five years in a sheltered location, without tsunamis and sandstorms, and being able to walk around in t-shirts because UV shield, that alone makes me urge to piss envy.

    Here we go. The announcer puts on her robot face – she is of course a robot, all media ‚people’ are, but so good at looking human that she has to perform great acting to look robotic – and says: „This years theme is ‚blues – music and mood‘. Please register in the next seven days….” She goes on listing the usual procedural details. But that’s besides the point.

    What the beach is that topic even supposed to mean?!

    If I need help to get the topic, my chances at having a go are probably very low.

    My supporter cheerily informs me that I’ve got quite a lot of blues in my tsunami day playlist.

    So this type of music is called blues. Interesting. I probably would have called it mood rock, or mood pop, but that’s just me calling any music I like pop, because it’s popular with me.

    Blues, the music, check, as far as listening is concerned. But that’s got to be the practical exam. I don’t play any instrument. But singing might work, just. I often sing along my tsunami playlist. I’ve got a week to get a at least one song roughly right. Back in the civil protection force, my unit got punished a lot, for slacking. We were made to sign the continental anthem, for punishment. One by one. Took ages, sounded horrible, in most cases. Me, I did quite ok, according to the others. A blues version of the continental anthem? Might be worth a try.

    Leaves the ‘blues the mood’ theoretical exam. I’m having the blues no end. Try not to, I my nuisance of a job! Stopped counting the number of times my supporter tried to convince me to try antidepressants. That’s a topic I can cover, better than any shrink who never had to work despite himself. Graduation, here I come!

    Who am I trying to kid here? Never do I stand a chance. There will be professional musicians, opera stars, pop idols. Oh yes, they will have a go, even if they don’t need to. Just for the fun of winning, and showing the world once again how great they are. And there will be shrinks, ready to make yet more money from the misery of people like me. Never do I stand a chance. So not going to make a fool of myself. One more pinch of blues, I drop dead!

  • Lucky Number

    “It’s just to get people thinking. To make them grasp the stakes, the urgency. We got it. I do, and you’re nearly there, too. The others, those who don’t care, they need a kick, to get their brains going. No one will do this for real, that would be cruel. It’s a thought experiment. People will hear, they will imagine, what it would be like. And then they will do what needs to be done…”

    Neal vividly recalls Sophie arguing. She got all worked up, as she often did.

    Anything could get Sophie started. How people parked their SUVs. That they were driving those SUVs in the first place, “Just to get their fat asses from home to the office and back?!” Sophie was really good at getting all worked up about stuff that was none of her business.

    Like that completely ludicruous switch scenario.

    Neal no longer recalls if the scene happened before or after Sophie filed for divorce, all of a sudden. They argued such a lot, in that second and last year of their marriage. It was also the last year of the old world order, in a funny coincidence. But Neal didn’t care about stuff that just happened, like world orders. You couldn’t do anything about overall circumstances, why bother?

    Some things could have done with better organization, sure. A lot of things, actually. Like he himself deserving at bigger paycheck, for his impeccable performance on the job. Well, perhaps not impeccable impeccable. But definitely quite good.

    Sophie wasn’t all wrong, when she said the world needed improving.

    That kind of statement could even be fun, over a barbecue with the neighbors:

    “The weather is foul. We’ll once again end up with fires all over the place, an no one doing one thing about it… The traffic sucks. For two stints per week at the office, you spend more time one the road as in the old days, when you had to go sit company bricks every day. But don’t expect anyone to do anything, about road congestion.  And don’t get me started on the world order…”.

    Why not? Sophie wasn’t so mistaken, concerning the diagnosis.

    Where she erred, badly, was in her insistence on treatment. She wanted to change the world. Young people, they’re like that. Not yet aware of the basic facts of life.

    Neal should have considered this, before marrying a girl twenty five years his junior. Sophie being half his age had its merits, especially at bed time. But she could ruin an innocent man’s day with her attitudes. Worse than a project lead, the bloody kid. He wasn’t aware of that aspect, when he fell in love with the hot tempered hitch hiker in need of a bed for the night. A couple of nights.

    That switch scenario scene, it will forever be with him.

    Neal still feels the taste of a gum chewed beyond the limit of its citrus flavor. Bitter, plus what is probably the naturally ugly aroma of plastic. And the smell of rancid sun lotion. A week earlier, Sophie had spilled half a bottle on her way back from the supermarket. She was like that, always moving fast and breaking things.

    They were standing in a traffic jam. Some idiots had blocked the highway, to demand an immediate stop to petrol fueled mobility. For the sake of the climate, officially. In practice, everyone knew such demonstrators to be thugs paid by a particular eMobility provider.

    They were listening to webradio. Even a basic self driving car was beyond Neal’s means, no movie for them. He had let Sophie pick the channel, to avoid yet another fight, and she made him listen to an interview with a member Intercont Revenge Front, or IRT.

    Neal had never heard of those particular lunactis.

    The IRT chap was calling for an alignment of global living conditions. And demanding reparations for slavery and colonialism. And for the descendants of the perpetrators to experience the living conditions of the descendants of the victims. In a surprisingly good English that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in Neal’s office.

    The sophisticated language made the absurd demands worse. Neal would have preferred to hear a heavy Hispanic accent, or a black voice, instead of this traitor. Exasperated by the traffic jam, plus the foul taste and smell, Neal called the traitor a traitor, and Sophie went mad. She even endorsed that ludicruous switch scenario. Funny, in a way, considering how she died.

    Fast forward five years, and a happily divorced Neal was still thankful for that episode.

    At the very beginning of the nightmare they’re now supposed to call life, when all bank accounts were frozen and the whole country was offline except for one TV channel, Neal was the only one in his neighborhood to ever have heard of the IRT, the new bosses. He had been exposed to enough of Sophie’s rants to be able to anticipate and adjust. Like insider trading, minus the cash.

    They of course kept their heads low, in his neighborhood. You don’t mess with what was bound to be a mighty, and super mightily armed, opponent. And everybody was anyway so busy to put a semblance of food on the table and assure a minimum supply of potable water, mostly on foot or bicycle, that there was no time to think resistance.

    Somehow, they got organized, in the new lean normal. Missing the good old days, of course, but oh well… As long as you didn’t get sick, you could make do.

    A lot of jobs, including Neal’s old one, evaporated. But he quickly set up shop as the neighborhood mobility and transport provider, courtesy of the collection of bikes Sophie had made him buy and couldn’t take along when she moved to a downtown flat.

    Transport bike rental proved especially lucrative, as did the rickshaw service.

    In the early days, Neal himself pedalled seniors to the market and sick people to the clinic. Soon he was replaced by gig pedallers. Not his idea, he wasn’t naturally prone to recruiting. Jobless people just started to loiter around his busy place, to check his customers for opportunities to make a coin. They became gig pedallers all by themselves.

    With so many bikes in such heavy demand, Neal had to spruce up his repair skills and the corresponding equipment. There was always something to fix, and he got real good at it. Diversification into bike repair once again happened naturally.

    Three years into the new normal, Neal was making solid neighborhood coins and eating well. Not getting rich, certainly not in a good old days sense. But his was one of the first doors taking a knock when funds were collected for charity.

    All was about as good as it could get, in the new lean normal, except for health care. Getting an invite to Sophie’s funeral had rammed that particular risk home.

    The birth of Sophie’s first child had gone badly. Loss of blood, a clinic short of supplies and staff, and bang, Sophie died at twenty eight, leaving her new husband with a toddler. Neal was furious at the foolish young bloke. How could he not use a condom? These were dangerous times, unsuitable to start a family. He should have taken better care of their Sophie.

    Neal had pedalled all the way to the downtown cemetery, despite the risk. He felt he owed Sophie, because he wouldn’t have ended doing well without the headstart provided by what he had used to call her childish eco mania. Ever since, he has been afraid to fall sick.

    Getting his number pulled for the global lottery instead came as an unforeseen shock.

    Neal was of course aware, like everybody else, that this horror of an IRT pet project was ongoing. Each 1st of July, the participating household numbers were announced. Each 4th of July, they were told who would switch life with whom. Switch as in complete transition: House, jobs, possessions, everything. You were only allowed to take one bag each.

    One hundred thousand households switched every year. Marginal, by global population standards. Pretty good odds never to be affected. But Neal is taking the hit.

    There is a website, where you can check the location and details of all participants.

    Neal only had a quick glance at the map before deciding to spare himself. There are certain things you don’t want to know, unless they’re imminent. Like with your own death. You know you’re not immortal, but that awareness is best buried. The deeper, the better.

    Not even that many participants in actual war zones, but hey!? If your luck is bad enough to take part, nothing guarantees you won’t be the one idiot getting himself relocated to some poppy field in Kandahar province, Afghanistan. Watch our for mines and pray…

    Neal managed not to touch that map again. Having triple checked his number really got pulled, he packed his favorite clothes and waited for his assignment.

    Neal’s brain didn’t need the map to imagine calamitous constellations.

    What if he was switched into one of those parts of the world where rampaging child soldiers cut people’s arms, for no particular reason? Forty years back, a moron of a teacher had made his class watch a documentary, and Neal never recovered. He certainly won’t believe any of the modern fairy tales about Africa. Better living conditions than in the US? You bet…

    Thinking of black, what if Neal got himself switched to one of those inner city neighborhoods where walking the streets while white could be considered an intrusion? It would be great to stay in the US, in principle. But some parts, they’re not the real thing, to put it mildly.

    Always nothing but trouble, for next-door Joes like him. Neal for once missed a female presence in the house, someone to get grumpy at. Not even a dog around to kick, that sucked.

    Ten minutes to go. Eight. Three. One. Click. Fucking bloody server buckling under the rush, failing to respond. The ruling morons could at least make sure to grant participants preferential access!

    It took Neal twelve more minutes to discover where he was headed.

    San Jose? As in San Jose, California, posh place full of nerds? That San Jose indeed. Not bad, not bad at all, for a designated location. And it gets even better.

    Neal is headed for San Jose to replace one Fortunato Lopez. As in the Fortunato Lopez, first generation American son of a Venezuelan politician and founder of Desal inc? That Fortunato Lopez indeed. Everybody who likes to eat more than once a day has heard of the brains behind the desalination technology that keeps agriculture going, and Neal will now replace him.

    Smiling for once, Neal takes his bag and steps out to wait for the eCarrier that will ferry him to San Jose. Bright future, here comes your man.